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It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the sound I heard when I was 9 and my father slammed the front door so hard behind him I swear to god it shook the whole house. For the next 3 years I watched my mother break her teeth on vodka bottles. I think she stopped breathing when he left. I think part of her died. I think he took her heart with him when he walked out. Her chest is empty, just a shattered mess or cracked ribs and depression pills.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s all the blood in the sink. It’s the night that I spent 12 hours in the emergency room waiting to see if my sister was going to be okay, after the boy she loved, told her he didn’t love her anymore. It’s the crying, and the fluorescent lights, and white sneakers and pale faces and shaky breaths and blood. So much blood.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the time that I had to stay up for two days straight with my best friend while she cried and shrieked and threw up on my bedroom floor because her boyfriend fucked his ex. I swear to god she still has tear streaks stained onto her cheeks. I think when you love someone, it never really goes away.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the six weeks we had a substitute in English because our teacher was getting divorced and couldn’t handle getting out of bed. When she came back was smiling. But her hands shook so hard when she held her coffee, you could see that something was broken inside. And sometimes when things break, you can’t fix them. Nothing ever goes back to how it was. I got an A in English that year. I think her head was always spinning too hard to read any essays.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s that I do.


It’s not that I don’t love you.  (via extrasad)

This breaks my heart

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i will never not reblog this

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Note to self: “I love you” does not mean “I won’t ever leave you.

-Note 1. (via fragmentallygirl)

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It’s not that people can’t love you if you don’t love yourself. It’s that you won’t feel it because it’ll always seem like you don’t deserve it.

-But It’s Not a Matter of Deserving (#53: January 11, 2014)

(Source: write2014, via ihaateeveryone)

102,853 notes

I want to make you feel so fucking happy that you forget every bit of sad in you

-Nahilliam Truspear (via truornah)

(via ihaateeveryone)

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Oh man.
This just gave me intense swimming urges.

Everything passes. Everything changes. Just do what you think you should do.

-Bob Dylan   (via seulray)

(Source: seabois, via ihaateeveryone)

36,098 notes

I wanna be that one girl who looks really cute but also gives off the vibe that she could snap your neck if you disrespect her like is that possible for me

(Source: kimisbaked, via aarnatara)

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